sex positivity has turned into teaching girls to ridicule other girls for preferring missionary or “vanilla” sex as if it’s supposed to be a competition as to who can withstand the most violent sex and who can endure the most abuse from men veiled as a kink
“But in the end, stories are about one person saying to another: This is the way it feels to me. Can you understand what I’m saying? Does it feel this way to you?”
— Kazuo Ishiguro, in his Nobel prize (2017) acceptance speech. (via halcynth)
remember the first feelings, how sharp and magical they used to be, they way you felt during your first love kiss, how scared you felt driving a car for the first time. the first day of school, when you fastened your seatbelt the day you got on a plane for the first time. feelings that got pale and dull by routine. don’t forget
Having sex with someone actually is a big deal and involves a ton of vulnerability and I think it’s extremely troubling and gross and unhealthy and actually exceptionally dangerous that we pretend otherwise and encourage people to “be mature” by compartmentalizing/completely eliminating their deeper human emotions from their sexuality and that any other view is dismissed as prudish and invalid and unenlightened and childish and restrictive. I can’t think about this too much because it makes me rage but I hate how much porn and capitalism have destroyed how we understand and experience sexuality and intimate connections with one another so much.
“Really, though, the hard part is not the “meh.” The hard part isn’t hearing the words “I can never be your boyfriend” or “We aren’t sure you’re a good match for the company” or “You’re not someone I want to be friends with.” Every person must accept some “meh” into their lives, because even if you face yourself and grow a lot, you’ll still land in that space a million times over. Landing in that space just means that you’re trying new things, meeting new people, having new adventures, and being brave instead of hiding. When you’re broken but you’re trying new things, you will hear echoes of your brokenness. You will feel wobbly. Accept it. The important part comes next: You hear the echoes that sound like “Am I bad? Am I repulsive? Am I doing it wrong again?,” and you try very hard to reassure yourself instead of becoming a human question mark. You say to yourself, “You are good. This is how it feels to be a human being.” Then you take a deep breath, and you feel wide awake and alive. Because you know that you’re okay and everything is fine. You know this because you’ve been talking to other people and really listening (instead of doing all the talking) and you know now that everyone feels a little ashamed and weird and broken sometimes, particularly those people who are reaching for great things.”
